Just another weekend in kidland

I ended up taking Jasper to ER at Children's at 1:30 am on Sunday morning. After a horrible night of croup on Friday, which although awful, was at least familiar, he started a fast, labored breathing episode on Sat evening. We talked to our Dr. on the phone a few times and she said, if you feel like you need to, take him in. It just got so bad and bad in a way we hadn't experienced before, that we were worried. As soon as I got to the ER, Jasper had a convulsive coughing fit and vomited at the end of it. Well, they were worried at the ER too. They were even concerned enough to admit him inpatient (of course not until after I'd been up all night with him in the ER) and we ended up being at Children's until 10 am this morning.

So quite an odyssey. Apparently this is a virus that is going around; they've had a seasonally unusual number of admits at the hospital for similar respiratory distress symptoms. In retrospect, we may not have needed to be admitted, because he progressively improved from the time we got to our hospital room on, but no one was sure it would last after the initial steroids wore off. But all I can say is, Yeah for Steroids! They really pulled him out of a downward spiral...

So it was just me in the ER with Jasper laying on me, since Rob had obviously stayed home with Lucy. Jasper was trying to sleep in spite of fever, rapid and laborious breathing, and convulsive coughing. He had his lungs listened to and his vitals taken over and over. Thank God no one had to poke him, but honestly I think I could have taken it. I felt very strong the whole time. I did cry in the ER at first; partly I was thinking of his birth and the time we had in the hospital then. Similar issues really. Then last night it was just me and Jasper again; me getting up over and over in the night to pat or nurse him back to sleep after he was woken up by nurses or drs. Or after I just heard him saying "mama" from across the room. Or after I heard the cry of another baby that I initially thought was Jasper. He was much improved but still feverish and coughing. And even then, after two nights of little or no sleep, I still felt capable of comforting him and felt like I had the reserves to keep going - even if a little sleepily.

So now that we are home and Jasper is napping in his bed again, I have that high feeling of having run a marathon, or climbed a mountain. I am grateful to have Jasper and to have had the opportunity to dig deep inside and find that there is really a bottomless source of love and energy that I can access any time. And for me, motherhood has been an important key to that source. Thank you, divine mother, for giving me the opportunity to learn about myself and you so deeply through the birthing and caring for two of your children. What an incredible gift. And I know I have so much more to learn...